I should probably start by saying that I really hate having pictures taken of me–I always have. For as long as I have been able to run from the camera–I have done just that. Why am I telling you this?
Because tonight I voluntarily took some decidedly naughty pictures of myself and sent them to J–mainly because it’s nothing he hasn’t seen before, because I need to get more comfortable in front of the camera, I feel relatively safe with him emotionally and he is so clearly over it. Done. Finished. Past it. Can you guess what happened? Nothing. Nothing happened. Crickets chirping, dead air, no response, nada. If you want a sizable blow to the ego–do this. Right here. This. Take X-rated pix of your parts, send them to a trusted consort and wait for the response that never comes. Now, I’m not the vulnerable type. I may overshare about certain aspects of my life–but this? To share my physical self, in picture form, with another in a meaningful way? It’s pretty uncommon.
As you can imagine, I’m kind of mortified and really, really REALLY embarrassed. And I don’t embarrass easily. I can only imagine his mother and stepfather seeing what I sent. It gives me the blushes just thinking about it. And no, I will not post them here. I will probably delete them and forget the whole episode–or try to. Seriously, who gets lady-bits pix and has no response?! Not even a whoa or a thank you for the spank bank fodder.
So, I guess that I’ll just sit here being embarrassed. And feeling like shit. I mean, hell, I’m not the prettiest girl in the world–but I can definitely hold my own. But should I have to when the recipient of the pix is in my orbit? xo
ealvfargond 