So, life is funny and all of that cliched stuff–but sometimes you just have to hang with one of your best girlfriends and totally and completely let go. And that’s what I did tonight. It was perfect. It’s really hard to see how wound you’re getting until you unspool and just be unabashedly yourself.
As some of you know (and may have discerned from reading my posts), it is very, very hard for me to feel “safe” enough to just let go around most people. It’s a self-esteem thing, and I’m working on it. But, the bottom line is that I really don’t open up to too many people, not really–and if I’m opening up to you–by confiding in you, telling you about certain parts of my life/past and/or being myself around you, then you’re extremely special to me.
And that means something–like a lot of something. And as much as I hate to admit it, I tend to give people more chances than they deserve–and not surprisingly, I get hurt. Often. Which, as you can imagine, doesn’t do wonders for one’s ability to trust–and it just keeps the cycle going–I reluctantly trust, I realize I shouldn’t have trusted, I get worse at trusting people. Great.
So what does all of this have to do with anything? Well, it’s relevant insofar as I need to get out of this cycle–and to do that, I need to start being harder on people who treat me poorly. Harder, like ejecting them from my life and keeping them ejected. Now, I just need to learn how to do that. xo
ealvfargond 