Doppelgänger: This Month (Or So) In Hindsight

Happy Happy Friday, friends and lovers! This has been one hell of a month (or so), and I’m am really glad t 

hat it’s finally (almost) over. The fresh start that is fall will be greatly appreciated. Except for pumpkin spice. Can we all just take a minute and find something else to obsess over every fall? For real, I saw pumpkin spice yogurt at Target yesterday. Yuck. My big news of the last and current month is that I have managed to lose what I thought was one of my dearest friends. Although this happened a while ago, I’ve chosen to publish it now (I hadn’t planned on publishing it at all) b/c after some reflection and one very humbling,”oh for fuck’s sake”-moment, it’s become exceedingly clear that she’s been trash talking me to anyone who will listen–and has been quite successful at making me the bad guy in all of this–so much so that two people have tried to talk me into being friends with her again (one of whom is one of my male best friends). At first, I agreed to it out of my affection and respect for him, but now, the more I think about it, I’m even more pissed that she is going out of her way to make me look bitter and evil and herself look like some poor victim (she is SO GOOD at this, btw). And I’m actually moderately pissed (and heartbroken) that certain friends seem to have taken her side/believed her over me. 

You can say a lot of bad things about me (clearly), but you have to admit that I am hella loyal and that I am brutally, bluntly honest. There is a lot more to it, but it’s just more of the same. Whatever. I’m absolutely certain that I don’t want her toxic shit in my life again. 

I had always thought it odd that she hadn’t retained friends from over the course of her life–but now it makes perfect sense. She is a duplicitous, back-biting cunt who has very likely driven off people from her past by being herself. Always be weary of people who don’t have friendships that are older than a couple of years. 

She always seemed to be a decent enough person, although she made some choices that I don’t really relate to or even approve of. But it’s her life, not mine–and if she can live with her choices, who am I to tell her she’s wrong or even way off base? I just always guessed that she would figure that out herself. But she didn’t, not even a little bit–and that became a problem when she undertook a sexual relationship with someone that I consider one of my closest friends. So, she had to go for so many reasons, not the least of which is that she is terribly indiscreet, that she speaks horribly of most of her sexual partners (with the exception of the married one that she’s in love with–although she, inexplicably, blames his newborn baby for their problems and expresses a great deal of malice toward her–it’s so fuct up) and that she knew that this guy (my friend) was off limits (for all of the typical/predictable reasons women say such things) and she fucked him anyway. That, friends and lovers, is called being a terrible friend. 

In addition to that, she also seemed to be “collecting” my friends–which is uber hard to explain, but basically means that she is inappropriately befriending people who I routinely hang out with. I hate even writing about this because it sounds so ridiculous and paranoid–which I definitely am not on either account. It started with a guy that I had met, ironically, through her–but that she had said that she never really hung around with him. 

Once I started seeing him, she began hanging with him almost every day. She also “intimated” that he was embarrassed of me and wanted to get into her pants. Nice. Not to sound awful or conceited, but if you were to see the two of us side by side, there is no contest. Try as she might, she will never be me. A white trash version of me maybe, but even then, she will never be anything more than a less intelligent, far less interesting and WAY LESS attractive imitation. I hate that it had to come down to this with that guy (the one I met through her)–but this is the same guy who was insisting on our first date that he was being punked by his friends because I was, “way too beautiful for him”. He kept saying things like that throughout the entirety of our friendship–which ended, btw, because of something that this former friend told me. It makes sense now that he had no idea what I was talking about when I brought her words up to him. In hindsight, I may owe this douche an apology. 

In addition to that guy, she also became very fast, too fast of friends with one of my best girlfriends and now seems to be living with her (at least part of the time) and behaving VERY inappropriately with this friend’s uber douchey, live-in boyfriend. Apparently, she has been going over to my friend’s house and hanging out/drinking all night with him after my friend has gone to bed. Now, I don’t know about you, but when it comes to relationships, if you are a true friend, you won’t put yourself, with your friend’s significant other, in a position that even LOOKS inappropriate. And drinking all night with the boyfriend of the woman who has taken you in, while that woman is asleep upstairs is squarely in that category. 

Argh!