Day 19: My five fears
1. My biggest fear is that something bad will happen to one of both of my parents–like a crime, serious, prolonged illness or death. And yeah, yeah, everyone dies–I get that and I accept the inevitability of it, but I am still terrified over it. It may not be logical, but humans seldom are all of the time.
2. Becoming “locked in”, due to another stroke or some other kind of brain injury. If you’ve seen the movie, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, that is a depiction of what I’m talking about. If not, being locked in is having the same mind that one has always had, but is unable to move or talk at all–with some very minor exceptions, like an eye blink. I would not ever want to live this way.
3. My third fear is kind of lame, but I am really afraid of disappointing the people who count on me for whatever reason. It’s not a people pleasing thing, but rather a doing right by people thing.
4. My fourth fear is needing a heart transplant. I know, it’s kind of oddly specific, but it is a definite possibility, and I really hope to avoid it.
5. My fifth fear ties into my fourth in that I am hugely afraid of losing my independence–mentally, bodily, emotionally and intellectually. I can’t think of too many things worse than being dependent on another person for my daily activities. I experienced this a little after I got out of the hospital last year–and it was horrible.
Day 20: My music player on shuffle–the first 3 songs.
1. Party and Bullshit by The Notorius B.I.G.
I love this song. It’s fun and silly–and his voice will always take me there. It’s terribly sad that he was murdered over some ridiculous feud. This is what happens when little boys have guns–people die senselessly.
2. Ohio by Neil Young
Another beloved song. Most of you reading this know what this song is about–and it, for me, pings all sorts of emotions–mainly anger and sadness. Anger at the actual event and anger that not much has changed (in the States) in terms of how authority reacts to protest. The Occupy Wall Street movement and the recent protests over the shooting of an unarmed kid by police in Ferguson, MO, tell us and show us that we have a long way to go when it comes to the reaction of authority to demonstrations that they don’t like.
And sadness at the lives lost at Kent State that fateful day, at so many friends having dads that were changed for the worse by their time in Vietnam and over the fact that not much has changed for those who seek, undertake and value dissent.
3. Buffalo Stance by Neenah Cherry
The quintessential late-80s/early-90s jam that is still fresh as fuck. Go listen to it–I’ll wait. It’s a good one for getting stuck in your head and for bopping around to in the house, car–wherever. And the lyrics, way heavier than the melody suggests. It’s like Electric Avenue that way. I love both.
Day 21: My Zodiac sign and does it describe me.
Well, I think that astrology is a steaming load of hooey–so, I am already biased on this question. My sign is Sagittarius, and of course it describes me perfectly. That’s how they’re written–so broadly, that they can fit almost every scenario they are applied to. And for those who say that I should get “my chart” done for a more personal experience–yeah, no. There are so many other things that I could waste my money and time on, it’s all good. Believe if you want. I choose not to. It would be lovely to be able to predict the future, but part of the beauty of life is the element of surprise that it provides–good and bad. It’s how we grow and find common ground with others. Our struggle to live and seek meaning is part of the adventure–trying to predict it is pointless. Enjoy your own personal adventure and let yourself be engaged and surprised as each new thing comes along. The human experience/the human condition is what connects us (in part, at least) to each other. And not knowing what comes next is a big part of that connection.
ealvfargond 