So, yeah–it’s been a while since I’ve written anything here. Call it a slump or a block, call it busy doing other stuff–hell, call it whatever you’d like because the bottom line is that I was gone and now I’m not–and this is my new and improved, somewhat renewed passion for writing. I hope that I don’t disappoint you guys.
Some things have changed since I wrote last–and my life looks a little different than it did 176 days ago (my last published entry, according to here).
One of the biggest changes would have to be that I’m getting stronger a little bit every day–rebuilding what was lost in two very dysfunctional relationships (one of which was terribly abusive). I’m standing up for myself more with the people I would ordinarily give a pass to for one reason or another–and that includes a few friends who I trusted.
It sucks to be used even under the best of circumstances–but this was beyond that. I’m not going to name names b/c I have yet to hear his side of things, but it’s been several days since I brought the subject up to him–and still no response. As far as I’m concerned, that’s all the response I need. I’m sad and disappointed (so disappointed)–but I can’t go on pretending that everything is okay when it’s so not. I wish that stuff had turned out differently–that he had told me that I was being ridiculous–and that he would never do that–that our friendship was important enough to him to actually fight for it. I guess that it wasn’t. Live and learn, right?
Another big change is that I’m not letting people use guilt and other strong feelings (like love) to manipulate me–with a pretty decent success rate so far. The worst of it–my personal, “hitting bottom”–was right before Memorial Day weekend. I had already made plans with some friends and had intended to be out of town. It didn’t quite turn out that way–not even a little bit. Instead of enjoying a night of good music and fun with my friends, I was hanging out with my ex, (J), who had basically bullied and coerced an invite to my house for the weekend. He had accomplished this by making me feel as bad about myself as is humanly possible. And wouldn’t you know, he pulled the same crap this holiday weekend also. The difference is that I didn’t fall for it–give in to it. I am so done being used and manipulated.
So, yeah. There’s that. It’s not the unabridged version– but it does have its entertainment value.😊
ealvfargond 