So, yeah–as most of you know, I’m a happy person–annoyingly so, usually. I tend to look for the positive spin on pretty much everything–and while I get depressed occasionally–it never usually lasts very long. Some people find me funny and some find me snarky–I’m not really sure why–I guess that it depends on the person.
Why am I telling you this? Mainly because a lot has happened over the past week–and it’s worth writing about. I need to write about it, if I’m being totally honest. It’s up to you, gorgeous friends, whether you want to read it.
I am extremely lucky. I have the best people imaginable in my life and one in particular who makes me try harder every, single day to be a better person. I doubt that he knows how much he inspires me. Just knowing that there is someone who knows me–who sees me–the real me–the flawed and broken me–and still likes me anyway–is incredibly happy making. It’s also a new experience for me. He wants nothing from me except me and I’m SO not used to that. I’m forever grateful that we met and that he wants to be a part of my life. He knows who he is, and if he’s reading this–he should know that he is cherished beyond measure.
Aside from the early part of last week where I was crazy stupid happy, I have had some decisions to make–and they weren’t especially easy ones. If you read my previous entry, you have an idea of what has been going on–and here’s a news flash–I will almost always choose me when forced to decide between myself and some jackass who is trying to make me choose. I don’t have room in my life for people who purposely make me feel bad or guilty or who grossly underestimate my value. I truly believe that all humans (and all sentient beings, actually) deserve love, dignity and respect–and that includes not being used or taken advantage of for what they can give to others. I’ve decided to make this the standard in my personal and business interactions (with very few exceptions). I know, I know–it’s about time. I’m dead tired of people assuming that I’ll be cool with being treated like an after thought because I tend to not freak out over most stuff. That is a fucked up assumption for anyone to make. I deserve better. Most everyone deserves better.
I had a very interesting talk on Saturday with a friend, and it surprised me that he felt so passionately about protecting me from others who may use me–especially since he was the one, arguably, who has used me and hurt me the most. It’s funny how that happens–the willful blindness to our own faults and flaws. I get that he was trying to be helpful and supportive–and I appreciate that–but that help and support comes at a fairly high price. I wish that I could go back to the time when I believed what he said–when I believed that he actually had my best interests in mind. If the past truly is prologue, there’s not a whole lot of chance that I will ever trust him again–not like I did. And that makes me terribly sad.
So there’s that. Thanks for reading gorgeous friends! Have a happy, happy 4th!!! And stay safe!!!
ealvfargond 