Month: January 2017

Okay, so–it’s the end of the first month of a brand-spanking-new year–and life (on a micro/personal level) is pretty good. I don’t want to jinx it by saying that (and pray that I don’t), but, I have been really happy for a while now. And it’s not like one huge thing happened and changed everything, like winning the lottery (it never really happens that way–at least in my experience)–just a bunch of little things (and one bigger one) that all happened at the right time–when I was open to them–and timing really is everything. 

But, before I even start talking about any number of those little things (in this post or future ones), this needs to be said first–some of you reading this may be close with and/or related to my ex, J. Nothing that I write about him is written with the intention of maligning him, hurting him or making him look bad. I loved him and treated him the best way that I knew how–but there is a lot to that story that you don’t know. He was not good to me–he had five years worth of chances to change that and he didn’t. He didn’t even care enough to try–and worse, used me for all those years. Let’s just leave it at that–that he didn’t treat me very well at all. 

I’m sorry if the things that I write hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable, but his behavior was heartbreakingly neglectful at best–and menacing and terrifying at worst (and still is to some extent). It sounds somewhat glib, but the bottom line is that had he wanted me to speak and think more positively of  him, he should have treated me better.


For a very long time, I thought I knew what being happy was. I am a happy person by nature–it’s how I’ve always been. And I assumed (wrongfully), that being less-than-happy in my relationships was just part of life. There are earlier posts that go into this far more deeply than I am going to here–please read them, if you feel so inclined and want more background. 

 I’m somewhat torn on how much to write about this next topic–this particular person–because he’s an enormous part of my life and the inspiration behind a lot of my happiness. I’ve written about him before, but things have changed significantly since I last wrote about him and me. This is that bigger thing that I mentioned earlier–and it isn’t just about me. That’s the rub–it’s not exclusively my story to tell–there’s someone else involved–and while I’ve mentioned him lots of times before, I haven’t told you who he is. That’s definitely not going to change unless and until he says that he’s okay with it. Some of you know him or know who he is–but, like I said, this is partially his story now too. And as such, I can only tell my part of it.

What I will tell you (at least for now–there will be more later) is that I feel like the luckiest chick alive–I thought that I knew what loving someone felt like–but I was so wrong. I have never felt this way about another person before, and although it’s moderately terrifying, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. He is so totally worth the risk of getting hurt again. He means everything to me.

So, yeah. That’s the first part of my new year and while there is a hell of a lot more to it, I’m going to stop for now. Thank you for reading. xo

This is a post that I started a while back–in October, I think. The timing of it doesn’t really matter though–because everything still holds true. And for the most part, what we know, as women, applies to (almost) all adult women across the board. The female experience, in all of its beauty and tragedy–is mostly unifying. It connects us and holds us together on at least a few levels. 

As a rape survivor. As a survivor of domestic abuse (and all that that entails)–I know what it’s like to feel the embarrassment and shame that goes with those designations. So do millions and millions of other women. We also almost certainly share a feeling of freedom and strength–we have lived through all sorts of micro aggressions on a daily basis and bigger life events that should have broken us. That is also our bond. 

I write about my life and my experiences because, ultimately, that’s all I know. My pain doesn’t take away from anyone else’s. It’s not a competition and there is more than enough misery, love, ridiculousness and happiness for everyone. I understand that my life has been very charmed and I have privilege up the wahzoo. But, I have also suffered more than anyone would ever suspect. 

These universal female experiences transcend age, race, religion, social class, education level, etc. I may share those struggles with you at some point or I may not–it depends on whether I think that talking about them may help others. Thanks for reading, gorgeous friends!!!

Hello, gorgeous friends and beautiful sinners! It’s been a while–not for lack of trying. A lot has happened over the past few months–some good, some bad–all of it necessary in some way or another. 

My life was getting stagnant in so many ways–and there’s only so much lunching and shopping and errand running that you can do before you need something much more challenging and meaningful to do. Don’t get me wrong–my life was really good the way it was–for the most part–but lots of big changes were taking place and it was basically  (figuratively) adapt or perish–and I’m not one to just lie down and die. 

Some of you know about my biggest change b/c I’ve mentioned it on FB–but for those of you who missed it or don’t go on FB–I now have a job in a law office–and plan on getting my law license in ND and MN. Weird, right? A lot of you don’t know me as a full-time lawyer–but it’s not much different than me as a full-time socialite–so, no big deal. 

The only thing that isn’t absolutely wonderful about this change is that I get up so very early. Ouch. I’m kidding–getting up early is my routine now and I have started to actually like it. You really do have so many more hours in the day when your day starts at 5am.