So, yeah–this week has been a really difficult one. It’s weird how that happens. Most of the time, my days are pretty routine and then BAM!!! all fuckered up (as my incredibly awesome husband would say). This week was very much like that–not bad–it was actually pretty good overall–chaotic, but good. Good isn’t really the right word–but it’s the best I can do right now if I want this to flow the way that it is–and I do want that–obviously more than I want to think of the perfect word. We make choices–and then we live with them.
Anyhow, yeah–this chaotic week has had a few lessons attached–the main two are as follows: 1. I am loved–I know that without a doubt–but it never hurts to be reminded–regularly; and 2. I have to risk not being liked from time to time if I want to be sane (-ish) and the better best person I want to be. In other words, this is the week that I had to address a couple of extremely uncomfortable things, a.k.a. grow the fuck up.
The biggest, most daunting thing had to do with making a complaint to my cleaning company. I know, I know, waaaaaaaah! Not the biggest problem in the world, but it was difficult for me to confront the issues nonetheless. Doing it by email helped. This may come as a surprise to some of you, but I am not very assertive when it comes to stuff like that. I am fully and painfully aware that I am incredibly fortunate to be able to even have people clean our house every week. I get that. That’s where the difficulty in addressing these issues resides–in that recognition. It looks a lot like guilt.
Believe me–if you feel so inclined to shame me for bitching about something that tags me as lucky in the first place–save it–that ship sailed a few decades ago. Rest assured, I’ve already beaten you to it and am quite effective at making myself feel awful about all the stuff.
So, I addressed the issues with the manager–and at first–I was offered additional services to remedy the problem–for a fee–of course. Apparently, they don’t do what I was asking about as a regular part of our weekly cleaning. Annoying, but okay. I can do it myself–no big.
The other complaint was not as easily dismissed. It was pretty damn obvious that the showers in the house were not being cleaned adequately each week. The cleaners said that they had done them every week but they hadn’t–not well enough anyway. After my first email to the manager the problem was promptly remedied–but rather than being apologetic for misleading us about the showers being done when they hadn’t been, they tried to sell me another additional service–again–claiming that they don’t do that cleaning (dealing with the mildew buildup) as a part of our weekly service.
This is where I would usually just leave it at that and let it fester. I would give up–because up until very recently–I would be concerned about not being considered nice. Yes, really. I struggle with that just like everyone else–maybe not to the same extent, but enough.
I didn’t let it go this time. I had finally had enough–enough of being told that my opinions are not as valid as everyone else’s–enough of being taken advantage of and enough of carrying all of the resentments that inevitably form when you always back down and subordinate your interests in favor of another’s–especially when it’s done to avoid appearing rude or not nice.
I wrote back to the manager and told her exactly what I was thinking–and surprise–she agreed with me. She agreed that we wouldn’t have this mildew problem if the showers had been getting done routinely and properly. And she didn’t try to sell me an additional service. Hot dog!
I guess my point is that I’m learning and relearning that being nice shouldn’t be my goal when it stands in opposition of what I truly need/want. It sounds basic and like a total no brainer, but let’s be honest, how often do you, gorgeous friends, let stuff go that makes you angry but that you feel isn’t worth the confrontation? Probably more often than you realize. I’m not advocating for people to run around being rude all willy nilly–but I honestly believe that being the better best person that I can be requires me to have these uncomfortable conversations and confrontations way more often than I’d like.
The logic goes like this–I can’t be the better best person that I want to be, that I resolved to be, if I’m holding onto all of these micro resentments, anxieties and anger–especially over such trivial stuff. The two can’t really coexist. I get that this may sound trite, but I need to let this crap go if I want to be better that I was yesterday. Thanks for reading, gorgeous friends!
ealvfargond 